Come with ME...

I had heard so many stories about, how Guruji values love and devotion more than anything. He doesn't see what food he eats, but with what love and devotion that food is made... It doesn't matter how loudly you call him, but with what love in your heart you call him... It doesn't matter how big errors you make, but with what intention you make... It doesn't matter how big or small you are, but what devotion you have... But when he is with you, he behaves so normally, that one is not able to hold on to so many concepts and stories that one hears about and one doesn't even realize what happened !

About three years ago, I wanted to ask Guruji a question... The question was weather, I should quit my job or join my job back ( I had postponed the joining of my job )... I had been staying at the ashram for about 3-4 months by then... I was pretty happy at the ashram but I still wanted to make sure that I don't take a wrong step... So, that evening, he was walking, and he looked at me and asked me " haan kaisa hai ? " ( How are you ? )... I said... " Thik hoon, ek question tha " ( I'm fine, wanted to ask a question )... He said... " haan tum humare saath Belgaum chalo wahan set karte hain tumko... " ( You come with me to Belgaum we'll sort it out there )... I didn't know what happened ! I was obviously elated ! Slowly, as the fact was getting digested, the fact that GURUJI has invited ME to travel with him, started getting to my head... This is a very common phenomenon, when he pampers you, one feels YOU are the only one !!! So, I started becoming stiff and proud thinking that no one is so great as I am, and blah blah...

So, when the date to leave came closer, I had to book the tickets etc... The ticketing people asked me, that you get a confirmation from Guruji's secretariat. So, I went to one of Guruji's secretary, and told him to send the confirmation... He said, he would ask Guruji and send it... A day later, I meet the secretary, and asked him... He said... " Guruji said he doesn't remember telling you anything like that !"... That was it !!! I couldn't believe it... First I thought the secretary was telling a lie and he hadn't asked, but he seemed to have asked very surely ! Then, I thought, how can Guruji forget things ! He remembers and knows things that he is not supposed to remember also and here he is saying that he can't remember something that he himself said ! I started feeling helpless... I asked other people... Does this happen that Guruji forgets something that he says ? They said... yes... very often he does... I couldn't believe this ! I didn't know whom to believe... weather, to believe what his secretary told me, or what Guruji told me, or what other people told me... So, then I thought, I'll ask him myself next time... Till the time I got the next chance to ask him directly, all my pride and stiffness had completely gone, I had started feeling vulnerable, humble and grateful... So, when I asked him directly the next time, he said " Yes... yes... you contact swamiji " and left... Later, that day I got a call from swamiji that Guruji has asked me to go with him and bring this one guy along with me... That time I realized how he plays games ! Till the time, I was all stiff and proud, he had even forgotten what he himself said... I feel so grateful that he forgot it !

Thats when I learnt: every-time you become stiff and proud for anything... you loose the connection !

Attitude of Gratitude

For many years I had no clue what ‘Gratitude’ really meant. People used to talk about being grateful for what we have. Just look at people who are poorer then you would see how lucky you are… This is what my mom used to say… Frankly, it really didn’t strike me… Nevertheless I never discarded what was said… I just heard it and then forgot it…

The first time when it really struck me was when I did my 5^th advanced course at the Bangalore ashram… Tears just rolled out of my eyes, my throat was chocked, and I was crying like a baby… While this was happening, my intellect was watching, and asking me “why am I crying”… I had no idea… I just knew that I was crying and my throat was chocked and I was feeling thoroughly ‘GRATEFUL’… Grateful for soooo many great things that had happened in my life… Although I had always thought about them but I had never felt like this about all those events! I used to think that all of them either happened through coincidence or ‘I’ had worked hard to get to that result ! And that was the turning point in my life… It was like a new life for me… As if I was reborn…

Although it was a big turning point but it was not the end, it was just a beginning of a new attitude in life… It opened a new dimension to looking at things and events around me… And now, I feel, in life, events are just events, but what matters is our attitude of looking at the event… We could see the same event and feel sad and miserable and we could see the same event and feel grateful… Its all on us, its all about our attitude… For example… Pigeon shit falls on our head and we could feel ‘ oohh why did it fall on me’ complaint and feel miserable or think ‘wow ! I’m the chosen one !’ or ‘ wow so good that it didn’t fall on the cake that I’m holding!’ and really feel happy and grateful about it !

Actually the attitude has two effects… One is on the present state of mind… One feels miserable or grateful in the moments during the event or some moments after the event… The other is on the future events that would happen… As the law of karma or the ‘secret’ says… What you think, is what you attract to you… So, if one feels grateful, one would attract gratefulness, i.e. more events that would make one feel even more grateful in future… Similarly if one feels miserable, unsatisfied, or lack, one would attract more events that would make one feel even more miserable, unsatisfied or more lack! And that is why the quote in the bible says “Those who have would be given, and those who don’t, whatever they have will be taken away”… It is basically talking about “having” the feeling of abundance, the feeling of gratitude…

However whatever said here, is very easy to say than to do it, and to apply it in daily life… Till the time I hadn’t experienced it myself, I thought that how can I fake a feeling… If I feel miserable, a sense of lack, a sense of inadequateness how can I fake it and say, I feel great, I feel grateful! However, one thing I follow sincerely is “ Fake it till you make it”… Being aware that you are faking and then faking is different from suppressing the current feeling and faking of another feeling… It is not about fooling yourself! It is just about choosing to be in it or not... And then sadhana, seva and satsang, has slowly but surely, changed the pattern of the feelings, or the attitude towards life!