Saturday, January 24, 2009

Feverishness & Anger !

After a reeeaaaallllyyy long time I got angry a few weeks ago! This was a very special anger, since I was also observing myself during the phase of anger. I was caught going out from the railway station. Platform tickets have been stopped from being issued these days at New Delhi RS ( Railway Station). So, I was supposed be to carrying a train ticket.

The TCE caught me, and told me to stand on one side. I was in a hurry, and I made gestures of just running off. The TCE got even more pissed off! He started holding me by my collar. So, I also started speaking loudly. That’s it! I had lost it! I could observe, that my energy levels ( prana ) had increased and I had become feverish. I was not in control of myself. In this state, my intellect would tell me to do certain things, but my ego would tell me to do something else. There was so much feverishness. I just could control what I wanted to say and what I wanted to hold back. It was as if I was drunk! No control of my self. In midst of the struggle I had made a phone call to a friend who was outside the station and told her to buy tickets and come. Now came the best part. She came up with the ticket and handed it over to me. Now, the TCE had no proof that I was ticket less! So, I Challenged the TCE .. “ab tum mera kuch nahi kar sakte” ( you can’t do anything to me now ). That was enough to pinch the TCE’s ego! He said… “Bahut shaana ban raha hai.. Tera to memo nikalta hoon” ( acting very smart… I’ll get u a memo .. memo is some kind of reporting to the police thingy, which meant sitting in jail for the night! ). He held me and took me to the station master’s office… The thing about anger is that when one is in this state, consequences are not seen, there is so much energy and kind of valor that in that moment one is ready to face anything! So, it continued even there… but soon, probably my intellect had won, and I thought to myself that… okay I don’t want to waste more time ☺… I heard my friends telling me to keep quite (actually they had been saying to keep quite for quite long, but only now it registered… I thought… ok… lets give it a shot)… So, I just stayed quite inspite of severe urges to just speak and shout and give gyan etc etc… Not surprisingly… as soon as I shut up… The TCE started listening to my friends and his colleagues… Now suddenly from making a Memo, to fining the 2 of us, it settled to just giving one fine… Had I shut up little earlier it probably would not have been even that ☺… Nevertheless… I totally enjoyed the sudden surge of energy… Even after the ‘fight’ the energy levels were really high in me… The only thing was that… there was feverishness along with it which made me loose control of my actions!