Sunday, October 18, 2009

Coming Back from Holland ( Contd...)

Continuing from "Coming back from holland contd.."...The moment Guruji told me " India hi thik hai "... I had decided... I'm going to stay in India... Now came the part of convincing parents, brother & sister in law, cousins, relatives, friends, girl friend, friends of my parents, aunties & uncles!!! Basically it was the testing time of my faith & courage! I didn’t want to ignore anyone’s opinion! I knew that elders have much more life experience than me… But I had the faith in my guru also!
I had heard so many stories from so many people and they all said, that if guruji tells you something then you should really do it! There were people who had listened to him and there were people who hadn't. The people who hadn't, had stories of regret and people who had, seemed to be happy about their decisions.
I had absolutely no plans of staying back in India ! All my belongings were lying in Holland at my friend's places. I was to join my first job at Amsterdam. Every thing seemed to be 'secured' and 'sure' there. Over here, I didn't know where I was heading, what would happen to me, what would I do or how I would survive... But just one line from him 'India hi thik hai' gave me security...

If I look back now, hearts of hearts this was what I was waiting for ( Just one line from guruji!)... This was the first time in my life, I was about to take a such a big step. When I told that I'm not going back to Holland to my mom & dad, they were obviously shocked ! Dad was still quite okay from day 1 but mom was in a shock! My brother, although he hasn't done the Art of Living course was supportive, but was also in a shock... Dad 's stance was, if you are very sure then go ahead. Mom's stance was shut up, just go back and work ! Brother's stance was, how can you trust someone so much on the basis of just one line! He didn't hear your whole background he doesn't know you, how can you give up everything just on that one line !
No matter what I was going to tell my parents, relatives or friends... It all depended on the clearity and faith I had! There was this battle within me about doing what 'feels' right and what 'seems' right! If I looked at the reasons, why I wanted to go back... "All my belongings were there"... "I was getting a good package and all material comforts there"... "Thats how everyone who is 'doing well' is supposed to do!"... "Thats how I had been living all my life!"... "I didn't want be a rebellious youth"... All this seemed right... But hearts of hearts didn't feel right! I needed more courage to follow, this feeling!

Thankfully a month later ( 2-Oct-07), my brother, me and my father met guruji in Delhi... My father told Guruji "Guruji, he has gone mad after you. He has studied from IIT and done his masters from Abroad, and now he has a job abroad but wants to be with you." Guruji said... yaa... take a break... join later... My brother intervened and asked Guruji to tell me to do both, AOL and job... So then Guruji said... yaa... do both... you can to both... Then he asked when is the joining ? So I said november... He said.. ooh there is lot of time... then he looked at me and said " tu to bangalore aa raha hai na" ( You are coming to bangalore right )... I was like in a shock... I mean... I was going to go to bangalore for Navaratri... But how did he know... So I said yes to him... and then he left... My brother was like... He has given so many options... Basically you can do anything and he would say yes to everything!

I had great hopes from this meeting... But everything didn't get very clear even after the meeting... My brother was still not convinced... But just 3 days later (On my b'day :) )... I saw Guruji again... Although he totally ignored me till the end ( I felt worse than a wallpaper ! )... But just before leaving... As we were seeing him off... He stood in front of me and asked "Tu Bangalore aa raha hai na ? "( You are coming to bangalore right ? )... I said yes... He said... "Kal humare saath chalo" (Come to Bangalore with me tomorrow )... And that was my 24th B'day gift... An invitation to the ashram by His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar!!

I flew down to bangalore with him... Stayed at the ashram for a 1-2 days and met Guruji in his Kutir... I wondered what to ask him... So I asked him, weather I should quit the job at Holland or postpone... He started laughing! Everyone there started laughing...and then said... " chalo abhi ke liye postpone kar lo" (for now you postpone)... How gently he takes you with him... That was very easy for me... So, I told at home... I'm just postponing for now... Which was not so difficult to accept !

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Follow your heart or head ?

In life there are soooo many times we are faced with this question... whether to follow the heart... what I feel or.... to follow the head... our commitment?

Actually first we need to understand what following the heart really means.... Following the heart doesn't mean follow what you feel... follow what your senses or the urges say.... Following the heart really means... something deeper.... following the heart may make you feel hungry, make you feel humiliated in front of the whole world, may make you feel tired... But when one truly is following the heart... these things don't matter... They don't effect you... Actually following your heart really means... acting spontaneously.... Living in the moment...

Every moment the heart is shouting out to tell you what to do... But until one is sensitive enough... One is intuitive enough... One doesn't hear it!

Now, the heart may say weird things to do... There is no reason to it... you just feel it, and you don't even know how long you would feel it! Thats why its really important to first check that what you are hearing is really from your heart... Can you face the whole world, if they came up and said what you are doing is wrong, can you face physical beating, can you face hunger... If the answer is yes for all.. then that is from the heart...

Once one hears what the heart is calling out... Then comes the head... Head basically just finds out logic for the thing you want to follow... Anything can be logically proved or disproved... So having a good logic only helps you to become more acceptable to the logical people around you and so called society around you!

I guess.. until that clarity on calling of the heart hasn't come... One just keeps on doing whatever one is doing... a 100% and sticking with their commitment...

I did this experiment with myself very recently... I just 'felt' very strongly that I want to meet guruji... So.. I just walked towards where he stays... and..............

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Intro talk to Traffic Police

I was on my way to IIM - Bangalore for an appointment, when a traffic cop stopped me! Every-time a cop stops me, I usually feel this sudden something ( not very pleasing ) in the stomach... This time also the same thing happened... but it vanished very soon... Surprisingly I was very calm and composed! The cop said park it right at the corner of the road and so I did...

All begin with the same first line... " license, car papers, insurance, pollution test please "... In that one breath they demand so much! I was only able to manage my original license, and the photocopy of the car registration... I decided ' I will not lie ' and then I got off my car with a smiling face... The reason I was stopped was that, the car had a 'Chandigarh' registration... All non Karnataka registered vehicles are supposed to pay a tax to the state ( otherwise the car is seized until one pays the tax which was around Rs. 20,000 )! He asked me... "whose car is it ?"... I said its my parent's car... "we are from defense" I added... Everything seemed to become fine ( usually they don't fine defense people) ... and then he asked me "which unit does your father working in?"... Now since I had decided I would not lie... I said "He retired less than a year ago"...

And that was it ! He said that means he is not in the defense any more... He said "your car will have to be seized"... After some persuation and convincing, he came down to saying that he would allow me to take the car, provided I fill the form of tax payment there and then, and leave my original driving license with him... He then started filling the form... Somehow Art of Living also came up... and while he was filling the form, I told him... "Sir, you please do the course... Its a very nice course"... He stopped filling and started talking about god... then he told me that he has been to the ashram and loved the place... Then I proposed to him to do the weekend course at the ashram ( fri, sat, sun )... He said, "You know I'm a very short tempered person...Do I look like one ?" he asked me... Then he said everyone at his office are really irritated and annoyed with him all the time... the moment they see him they say... look "tension mahadev" has come... Suddenly he stopped filling the form... He said.. you are a teacher with Guruji right? I didn't believe it earlier... But now I believe.. You are doing such great work... You please go !!

I was like... "Are you sure"... I mean you have some rules to follow... He said... I'm sure.. You please go... He then took my phone number and told me that he would contact me when he comes to the ashram... I again urged him to do the course as soon as possible... He smiled... and we left...

One never knows, who is waiting for you to tell them about the course !

Sunday, June 28, 2009


My first student to write a poem on me... I'm flattered ;).... Her name is Anjesh...

26th March was the date,
when a remarkable impact on my life was made.
We all were eagerly waiting 4 our teacher,
Wondering wat would be his nature?
He was supposed to cum at 4.. :)
But there was no sign of him at the door.
Then it was 5:30,
Waiting,waiting n waiting...our condition was miserable n pity..
As the time passed on..our eagerness increased,
We were both excited n confused.
Then u entered in the Hall,
And dunno y i felt k "I know u very well since na jaane kitne saal !!!",
U luked so radiant n glowing,
"He's our teacher"-everyone was now evidently knowing.

It was a 7 day course,
with u being our knowledge source.
I was amazed n inspired,
Even after doing the Surya-Namaskars,i didnt feel tired.
Each day brought so much,
I enjoyed every moment spent with u.Sach !!!
I got more than what I had thought,
Teachings of Guruji were so well taught.
Every 26th reminds me of the day we met,
And I will unfailingly remember it..I bet.
U r really special n u will always be,
I feel grateful to u for connecting me to Guruji.
'Art of Living' was the best thing in my life which happened till now,
N u were my first teacher..Dat makes me say WOW !!!
I wish just one thing 4 u,
May u inspire many more n help them see life's heavenly view.
U r a person so lovely n pure,
a person who inspires me,no matter he is paas or door,
a person,4 all my problems who got a cure,
N u deserve to be kept safely in heart 4 sure... :)

Friday, June 5, 2009

Coming back from Holland... contd..

At the end of my masters I had it all planned up for myself... My Masters would finish by August ( 2007 ), I would undergo the TTC -1 starting in August in India. Then I would travel around India doing some seva in villages, meet my relatives around the country, then come back to Holland and start with fancy consulting job at Amsterdam in November, start to work and do seva (I would be officially assisting courses!)... Even my stay at Holland was planned... A friend of mine from IIT Madras (placed in the same company) and me would share a flat ( maybe near some beach )... I was so excited about the plan !

I had applied for this TTC 1, beforehand, but due to some miscommunication, the last date had passed, my referee for TTC 1( who was the head of art of living Holland ), requested specially to guruji for me… But the answer was… ‘we’ll see later’… I was very determined to do the course this time (I was already called for TTC 1 when I was in Germany a year and a half earlier)… I arranged to arrive from Holland just a day before the start of TTC 1 at the Bangalore ashram… I met guruji that day, and told him “ guruji I want to do this TTC, I’ve come from Holland to do this course…” He answered me with a question… ‘ tu kya Holland se sirf isi ke liye aaya hai?’ (have you come from Holland just for this?’). He has this knack of answering questions in subtle ways... This question made me realize that how much commitment was he asking! I had specifically arranged to land on the start date for the course, but I was not in India just for the course! I told him this… and there was no answer! I was disappointed!

I didn't give up, that very evening I went to the ashram for the satsang… and guruji spoke about, difference between desire and intention (actually my father was talking about this that very afternoon, but I didn’t pay attention). He said that intention does not have feverishness, whereas a desire has feverishness associated with it… I was thinking to myself that if this course doesn't happen this time, I'm going to leave Art of living and run away and just then guruji says "A desire when unfulfilled generates a void, which could lead to anger, frustration etc"… Then he said, a desire when fulfilled generates an even bigger void since it generates an even bigger desire! I suddenly realized that I was simply being too feverish about doing the course!

I wrote a mail to bawa ( who was my basic course teacher ) after this, and he invited me for a chat… He told me, we need people like you… Stay back in India, and don’t go to Holland! I was in a shock... Suddenly I felt a strong urge to just do that! But when I told this to my parents, they were in a bigger shock! A few more days at home, and I was convinced again to go back to join my new job in Holland…

I registered for an advanced course as a compensation for TTC 1. This was the advanced course that transformed me! One of the last sessions in the course was about bhakti, that’s when I realized who my guru was… I was so lost all this while! Tears of gratitude rolled down my cheeks, and I started crying like a baby! Screaming and crying, I could not believe, that I could put up such a show! The intellect in me was saying... "whats happening?" but I just could not control! That evening… guruji was meeting all the participants… When he came in front of me… he was surrounded by a swarm of people, dodging through them his eyes looked directly at me and he said… ‘haaa…kahan tha tu? Kya naam hai tera?’ ( yaaa.. where were u ? what is your name?) …I was in a shock! I had never met guruji like this!! He then shook my shoulder and asked me… ‘haan bol, bol… kya poochna hai’ ( yaa go ahead… ask what you wanted to ask? )… Actually during this advanced course, I was again reconsidering to stay back and not go to Holland… and that’s what I wanted to ask him… He heard my question, and slowly moved his head and said ‘India hi thik hai’… That’s it!!! It was decided for me!

Now came the part of convincing parents, brother & sister in law, cousins, relatives, friends, girl friend, friends of my parents, aunties & uncles!!! Basically it was the testing time of my faith & courage! I didn’t want to ignore anyone’s opinion! I knew that elders have much more life experience than me… But I had the faith in my guru also!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Coming from Holland

Continuing the "Holland-Delft"post... I was out of art of living activities during my stay in Germany and a part of my stay in Holland ( I was totally into AOL for 3 years while at IIT! )... Those days I used to think AOL ( Art of Living ) was for the masses, not for me. I felt I was very special, very deep and profound, and I felt AOL could not really attend to me personally ( by the way I still believe that I am very special... and each one of us is ! :) )... So, I had started practicing some other intense and rigorous technique about which I'll write some other time...

After staying in Holland, slowly but surely I started getting back into AOL... I'm still great full to Mandar apte whose gentle and persistent efforts got me back to AOL! Once I was back on the AOL track I started following the three S's - Seva Sadhna & Satsang ( I described 3 S's in the last para of "wake up") very sincerely... And so I decided to assist in a part-I course planned to be taken by Mandar bhai... I was let down by the people at the center... I was told that only those who have done TTC ( Teacher Training Course ) phase 1 can assist in courses, and that I can only sit and repeat the course..... Repeating the course was absolute JOY! That was the time I experienced the importance of lightness required to attain profound knowledge ! At this juncture I decided to postpone the rigorous technique ( which I was following ) for some other time, as I was not doing justice to it and start Sudarshan Kriya again! Now there was no stopping... I just wanted to do TTC - 1 and start assisting in courses and do seva... I also went to the German Ashram and did an advanced ( Part 2 ) course there...

I had it all planned up for myself... My Masters would finish by August ( 2007 ), I would undergo the TTC -1 starting in August in India. Then I would travel around India doing some seva in villages, meet my relatives around the country, then come back to Holland and start with fancy consulting job at Amsterdam in November, start to work and do seva (I would be officially assisting courses!)... Even my stay at Holland was planned... A friend of mine from IIT Madras (placed in the same company) and me would share a flat ( maybe near some beach )... I was so excited about the plan !

This was what I had planned !!! Apparently, divine had some other plans for me.... To be continued after I get atleast some comments asking me to continue ;) ...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why to look Good ?

There was a phase in my life... I used to spend a lot of time in front of the mirror... Combing my hair, changing hairstyles, making funny faces, looking at my body... admiring myself...commenting on myself... etc...

One day I had this question... Why do I want to look good? So that people look at me? So that people get attracted to me? So that people come and speak to me? So that they take care of me? That day I decided... I don't want to look good ! I want to look bad... I want to look ugly ! I wanted to check, will people still love me?

So, I started growing my hair, beard, didn't care about what I wore, and made sure that I didn't wear something that looked very nice... I had started looking not cool at all ! I noticed that now, I didn't care to come in front of the camera if someone took a pic... I started noticing that some people would not talk properly to me, some would ignore me, some would even run away from me, some would talk with pity !

Another thing that I noticed was... I had started looking really horrible ! Long uncombed hair with scanty beard already looked yuk... but to add further, I had a fall on ice and got my eye swollen, and then I hit the same spot again... and the swelling only increased ! I cut my tongue... with all that I had started to look like a ghost !

Thats when this thing struck me... I had decided to look ugly, so the nature also started to support me! Thats when I realized the power of my thought, and the unseen universe helping me to manifest my thoughts ( watch the movie/book "The Secret" )... And then I realized, OK... One ought to look presentable so that people atleast talk to me without pity or being repelled! And not be obsessed with LOOKS :) !

Holland - Delft

I was just scanning through my picture album and came across some photos of my europe stay... After spending a year at Dresden ( Germany ), I spent my second year of masters at Delft ( Holland )... Holland is a country 1/3 of which is below sea level ! Its populated with really tall and human beings ( avg height of men is more than 6 feet 1 )... Here are some pics during my stay there...

This is the 13th floor where one of my friend (Manoj ) stayed... we used to meet up very often and cook and eat our food together...

Holland has a lot of people from Suryanam ( it was a dutch colony in South America and has a large population of migrated Indians ( Biharis ). Holi is celebrated very nicely by the Suryanamese there. The pic below is with Mandar Apte, he is the guy who got me back into art of living !

Den Haag ( The Hague ) is a city about 10 -15 mins ( by train ) from Delft. It has a beautiful beach and there are trampolines at the beach side... Summers over there were simply awesome ! And by the way how do u find my long hair 60's look ;)...

Holland is a beautiful place with loads of rainfall round the year... Some really strong winds at times !

With its capital as Amsterdam, Holland is really famous for a lot of things... like the Tulip Garden ( now what were u thinking ;) )...

Holland is also famous for many other things also like art, museums, windmills, dykes, bicycles, cheese... and ofcourse drugs and prostitution !

My entire stay at Europe, was superb! Had an amazing scholarship, was studying at one of the topmost universities in the world in a world renowned lab, had a car of my own, had a German girlfriend, had a nice set friends, very often traveled around the country and the continent.

Although seemingly it was all superb, I felt some kind of emptiness deep inside... some kind of vacuum... Nothing could really fill that vacuum... No amount of going to the beach, partying, sports, gym, lab work, studies, spending time with friends/girlfriend, TV, talking on the phone or anything could really do anything to fill that... All it could do was... give me some consolation for some time and then I'm back with the same emptiness ! I had everything yet nothing ! Life had become juice-less !! Until............ will continue some other time....

Friday, April 24, 2009


An absolutely stunning YES!+ course just finished at DCE. Every course is such a unique and beautiful experience ! Its so incredible. Each time I sit or teach a course, there are so many new insights of myself ! Each course only consolidates my belief that, the course is not about what we speak, but about the whole experience !

The students of the DCE course were indeed sooo special ! Energy, enthusiasm, commitment and a childlike innocence in all of them ! Also special about the students in this course was that... Each of them had an interview before they entered the course !

It was matched by equally superb volunteers and teachers. Awesome singing & guitaring by Sachin. The HR queens Priyanka & Pallavi ( also abhishek @ IIT Delhi ) interviewed most of the participants. The DCE anchors Tanvi & Pooja showed outstanding commitment and enthusiasm to make this course happen !!!

Some simply divine sessions by saleelda especially on love and relationship left everyone ( including him and me ! ) in awe and wonder ! and yaaa.. the last day was traditional dressing... and u can see urs truly in guruji's attire :)... ( btw it was the first time i've worn this kind of dress in a course ! )

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Feverishness & Anger !

After a reeeaaaallllyyy long time I got angry a few weeks ago! This was a very special anger, since I was also observing myself during the phase of anger. I was caught going out from the railway station. Platform tickets have been stopped from being issued these days at New Delhi RS ( Railway Station). So, I was supposed be to carrying a train ticket.

The TCE caught me, and told me to stand on one side. I was in a hurry, and I made gestures of just running off. The TCE got even more pissed off! He started holding me by my collar. So, I also started speaking loudly. That’s it! I had lost it! I could observe, that my energy levels ( prana ) had increased and I had become feverish. I was not in control of myself. In this state, my intellect would tell me to do certain things, but my ego would tell me to do something else. There was so much feverishness. I just could control what I wanted to say and what I wanted to hold back. It was as if I was drunk! No control of my self. In midst of the struggle I had made a phone call to a friend who was outside the station and told her to buy tickets and come. Now came the best part. She came up with the ticket and handed it over to me. Now, the TCE had no proof that I was ticket less! So, I Challenged the TCE .. “ab tum mera kuch nahi kar sakte” ( you can’t do anything to me now ). That was enough to pinch the TCE’s ego! He said… “Bahut shaana ban raha hai.. Tera to memo nikalta hoon” ( acting very smart… I’ll get u a memo .. memo is some kind of reporting to the police thingy, which meant sitting in jail for the night! ). He held me and took me to the station master’s office… The thing about anger is that when one is in this state, consequences are not seen, there is so much energy and kind of valor that in that moment one is ready to face anything! So, it continued even there… but soon, probably my intellect had won, and I thought to myself that… okay I don’t want to waste more time ☺… I heard my friends telling me to keep quite (actually they had been saying to keep quite for quite long, but only now it registered… I thought… ok… lets give it a shot)… So, I just stayed quite inspite of severe urges to just speak and shout and give gyan etc etc… Not surprisingly… as soon as I shut up… The TCE started listening to my friends and his colleagues… Now suddenly from making a Memo, to fining the 2 of us, it settled to just giving one fine… Had I shut up little earlier it probably would not have been even that ☺… Nevertheless… I totally enjoyed the sudden surge of energy… Even after the ‘fight’ the energy levels were really high in me… The only thing was that… there was feverishness along with it which made me loose control of my actions!