I had heard so many stories about, how Guruji values love and devotion more than anything. He doesn't see what food he eats, but with what love and devotion that food is made... It doesn't matter how loudly you call him, but with what love in your heart you call him... It doesn't matter how big errors you make, but with what intention you make... It doesn't matter how big or small you are, but what devotion you have... But when he is with you, he behaves so normally, that one is not able to hold on to so many concepts and stories that one hears about and one doesn't even realize what happened !
About three years ago, I wanted to ask Guruji a question... The question was weather, I should quit my job or join my job back ( I had postponed the joining of my job )... I had been staying at the ashram for about 3-4 months by then... I was pretty happy at the ashram but I still wanted to make sure that I don't take a wrong step... So, that evening, he was walking, and he looked at me and asked me " haan kaisa hai ? " ( How are you ? )... I said... " Thik hoon, ek question tha " ( I'm fine, wanted to ask a question )... He said... " haan tum humare saath Belgaum chalo wahan set karte hain tumko... " ( You come with me to Belgaum we'll sort it out there )... I didn't know what happened ! I was obviously elated ! Slowly, as the fact was getting digested, the fact that GURUJI has invited ME to travel with him, started getting to my head... This is a very common phenomenon, when he pampers you, one feels YOU are the only one !!! So, I started becoming stiff and proud thinking that no one is so great as I am, and blah blah...
So, when the date to leave came closer, I had to book the tickets etc... The ticketing people asked me, that you get a confirmation from Guruji's secretariat. So, I went to one of Guruji's secretary, and told him to send the confirmation... He said, he would ask Guruji and send it... A day later, I meet the secretary, and asked him... He said... " Guruji said he doesn't remember telling you anything like that !"... That was it !!! I couldn't believe it... First I thought the secretary was telling a lie and he hadn't asked, but he seemed to have asked very surely ! Then, I thought, how can Guruji forget things ! He remembers and knows things that he is not supposed to remember also and here he is saying that he can't remember something that he himself said ! I started feeling helpless... I asked other people... Does this happen that Guruji forgets something that he says ? They said... yes... very often he does... I couldn't believe this ! I didn't know whom to believe... weather, to believe what his secretary told me, or what Guruji told me, or what other people told me... So, then I thought, I'll ask him myself next time... Till the time I got the next chance to ask him directly, all my pride and stiffness had completely gone, I had started feeling vulnerable, humble and grateful... So, when I asked him directly the next time, he said " Yes... yes... you contact swamiji " and left... Later, that day I got a call from swamiji that Guruji has asked me to go with him and bring this one guy along with me... That time I realized how he plays games ! Till the time, I was all stiff and proud, he had even forgotten what he himself said... I feel so grateful that he forgot it !
Thats when I learnt: every-time you become stiff and proud for anything... you loose the connection !