Coming back from Holland... contd..

At the end of my masters I had it all planned up for myself... My Masters would finish by August ( 2007 ), I would undergo the TTC -1 starting in August in India. Then I would travel around India doing some seva in villages, meet my relatives around the country, then come back to Holland and start with fancy consulting job at Amsterdam in November, start to work and do seva (I would be officially assisting courses!)... Even my stay at Holland was planned... A friend of mine from IIT Madras (placed in the same company) and me would share a flat ( maybe near some beach )... I was so excited about the plan !

I had applied for this TTC 1, beforehand, but due to some miscommunication, the last date had passed, my referee for TTC 1( who was the head of art of living Holland ), requested specially to guruji for me… But the answer was… ‘we’ll see later’… I was very determined to do the course this time (I was already called for TTC 1 when I was in Germany a year and a half earlier)… I arranged to arrive from Holland just a day before the start of TTC 1 at the Bangalore ashram… I met guruji that day, and told him “ guruji I want to do this TTC, I’ve come from Holland to do this course…” He answered me with a question… ‘ tu kya Holland se sirf isi ke liye aaya hai?’ (have you come from Holland just for this?’). He has this knack of answering questions in subtle ways... This question made me realize that how much commitment was he asking! I had specifically arranged to land on the start date for the course, but I was not in India just for the course! I told him this… and there was no answer! I was disappointed!

I didn't give up, that very evening I went to the ashram for the satsang… and guruji spoke about, difference between desire and intention (actually my father was talking about this that very afternoon, but I didn’t pay attention). He said that intention does not have feverishness, whereas a desire has feverishness associated with it… I was thinking to myself that if this course doesn't happen this time, I'm going to leave Art of living and run away and just then guruji says "A desire when unfulfilled generates a void, which could lead to anger, frustration etc"… Then he said, a desire when fulfilled generates an even bigger void since it generates an even bigger desire! I suddenly realized that I was simply being too feverish about doing the course!

I wrote a mail to bawa ( who was my basic course teacher ) after this, and he invited me for a chat… He told me, we need people like you… Stay back in India, and don’t go to Holland! I was in a shock... Suddenly I felt a strong urge to just do that! But when I told this to my parents, they were in a bigger shock! A few more days at home, and I was convinced again to go back to join my new job in Holland…



I registered for an advanced course as a compensation for TTC 1. This was the advanced course that transformed me! One of the last sessions in the course was about bhakti, that’s when I realized who my guru was… I was so lost all this while! Tears of gratitude rolled down my cheeks, and I started crying like a baby! Screaming and crying, I could not believe, that I could put up such a show! The intellect in me was saying... "whats happening?" but I just could not control! That evening… guruji was meeting all the participants… When he came in front of me… he was surrounded by a swarm of people, dodging through them his eyes looked directly at me and he said… ‘haaa…kahan tha tu? Kya naam hai tera?’ ( yaaa.. where were u ? what is your name?) …I was in a shock! I had never met guruji like this!! He then shook my shoulder and asked me… ‘haan bol, bol… kya poochna hai’ ( yaa go ahead… ask what you wanted to ask? )… Actually during this advanced course, I was again reconsidering to stay back and not go to Holland… and that’s what I wanted to ask him… He heard my question, and slowly moved his head and said ‘India hi thik hai’… That’s it!!! It was decided for me!

Now came the part of convincing parents, brother & sister in law, cousins, relatives, friends, girl friend, friends of my parents, aunties & uncles!!! Basically it was the testing time of my faith & courage! I didn’t want to ignore anyone’s opinion! I knew that elders have much more life experience than me… But I had the faith in my guru also!